YOU have to mind your manners when there’s a psycho living in the house.

Battered Tyrone really should know better than to get up close and personal with Fiz where she calls round with a birthday card and cake in Coronation Street (ITV1).

If Ty’s deranged girlfriend Kirsty spies the pair snogging on the sofa, she’ll go crazy. It might also put a damper on Ty’s devious plan to marry Kirsty and get parental rights to baby Ruby.

This is a dangerous game he’s playing. Some might say that Ty and Fiz where made for each other but you have to worry about their choice of partners. Fiz, you may recall, married a serial killer (one of several attracted to the delights of Weatherfield) and Ty has shacked up with a psycho.

Anyway, Fiz thinks that Kirsty has forgotten Ty’s birthday so goes round with a little something – herself. But their lip-locking on the sofa is interrupted by the arrival of Kirsty who has actually organised a surprise party at the Rovers. Quickly, Fiz hides but Kirsty finds Fiz’s birthday card and reckons Ty has been up to no good. She takes it out on Ty, causing him to need hospital treatment.

All this skulking around will end in tears.

Just look at Kat in EastEnders (BBC1) who’s secret is finally out. Her lover is revealed as… but that would be telling, wouldn’t it? You’ll have to wait and see.

Husband Alfie suspects that the affair to which she owned up isn’t over. That key to a flat – her love nest – is a pretty big clue that she’s been up to no good. He doesn’t confront her, he follows her after pretending to go to Portsmouth. When Kat gets a call from her secret lover, she puts on her Sunday best and heads for the flat. Little does she know that Alfie is dogging her every step. He kicks down the door, confronts Kat and, by a process of elimination, deduces her lover is one of the Branning brothers. Perhaps all three, considering Kat’s sexual appetites.

Affairs never end happily in Soapland. Look at Emmerdale (ITV1) where Chas’ canoodling with Cameron has led to her being on trial for the murder of Carl King, the tallest man in soap. Judgment day is looming but not before Debbie, Cameron’s betrayed girlfriend, takes the stand. She hasn’t got anything nice to say about Chas. Not unless you count words like lying, sneaky and slapper as nice.

After lying in the dock, Cameron feels guilty and confesses to one of the villagers that he killed Carl (which we knew all along).

Instantly regretting this, he thumps the aforementioned person with a fence post and throws them in the back of his van. The path of secret love never does run smooth.