EVERYONE in Albert Square is Moonstruck in EastEnders (BBC1). They’re virtually queuing up to snog new arrival Michael Moon.

Vanessa and Roxy both fall for his charms.

As Oscar Wilde very nearly said, To kiss one of Walford’s most glamorous blondes may be regarded as a misfortune, to kiss two looks like carelessness.

Michael, you may recall, made a brief appearance in the Square last year and was revealed as the father of Kat’s baby (the one she thinks is dead, but which was swapped by that other new mum Ronnie).

Now Michael is back and is soon going for Gold, by playing tonsil hockey with Vanessa Gold. That’s all to do with a bet he made with Mad Max, Vanessa’s current beau. So perhaps we shouldn’t take that too seriously.

Roxy sees this and wants some for herself.

The idea of impregnating herself with Christian and Syed’s baby isn’t enough for her. Even Max punching Michael in the face doesn’t deter Roxy.

They have a drink, they have a kiss, they… well, they may very well do that as well. This is bad news for Roxy’s sister Da-Do-Ron-Ronnie. No, she doesn’t want a taste of Michael’s lips herself.

She’s worried that he’ll get close to her baby (really his baby).

And she tries to get rid of him by claiming that he tried to kiss her. With his record, everyone will believe her.

More kiss, kiss, bang, bang in Emmerdale (ITV1). Cain is jealous because he thinks partner Charity has bedded Jai. Why else would they book into a hotel in Leeds. All that stuff about a business meeting is obviously a lie, he reckons.

So instead of sitting down and calmly talking things through with Charity, Cain beds Faye. She’s not exactly unwilling because she wants revenge on Jai for dumping her.

The dirty deed has already been done in Coronation Street (ITV1) – Leanne has been cheating on husband Peter with her ex-husband Nick. That’s bad enough.

Worse is that her sister-in-law Terrible Tracy has found out.

When Peter arrives home, Leanne can only wait to see if Tracy spills the beans to him. Happily for her, Ken’s words of wisdom get through to Tracy and she realises that crippled Peter is in too fragile a state to cope with the news of Leanne’s betrayal. Besides she can work the situation to her own devious ends by keeping quiet. For the moment.

Round at the Rovers, Steve and Becky McDonald have gone off to Spain and left cabbie Lloyd is charge. He finds himself in the middle of Tracy and Tina, a position which is other circumstances would be quite pleasant.

But they’re at loggerheads as they’re both working as barmaids and squabbling over who’ll get the night off on Valentine’s Day. The solution is easy for Lloyd – make them both work that night.