It’s Only A Book
“What are you doing, darling?” My
wife’s head in a book
“It’s something from the library” “Well
can I have a look?”
“It’s something that’s called ‘Fifty
Shades’. Not suitable for men!
So will you find a job to do, I’m busy,
do you ken?”
“A book that’s just for women, what on
sewing or on knitting?”
“No dear, now will you please depart
and leave me where I’m sitting”
A book that only dames can read?
That made me rather curious
I didn’t know what I did next would
make my wife so furious
Up in the room and slipping on a rather
slinky frock
Her high heels and a party wig, I’d give
the wife a shock
I would forego the underwear, that
really would be drastic
In truth I feared I would get caught in
feminine elastic!
And then a bit of powder and a touch
of lippy red
I thought I looked quite ‘girly’ in the
mirror by the bed
“Hi, doll!” I shouted from the door, my
case I thought I’d plead it
“You silly fool!” She threw the book, “If
you ruddy want to...
Read it!!”
Trevor Spark, Darlington

Characters revisited
Theodora the dentist’s daughter
Pulls teeth with a pair of pliers
Asks if I could dance with her
I would, but my hands are on fire.
Jim Beam plays saxophone
In a honky tonk saloon
Plays all night till the break of day
Under a Panamanian moon.
Selfish squandered his wife’s savings
But he hopes she understands
Blew it all on broken violin strings
And a piano that cost a grand.
Kanute had visions of grandeur
Thought he could turn the tide
Sits on his throne, hands outstretched
Water laps around his thighs.
Elvis hip-shaking rock and rolla
Footprints on his blue suede shoes
Reads about his own death
In the Memphis Daily News.
(The King is alive and living in
Croydon).
Geoff Clay, Bishop Auckland

Afghanistan
Incredibly brave men go to their deaths
Or are horribly maimed and mutilated _
And the coffins surmounted by the
wreaths
One after another are repatriated.
In a war that sense and morality
And even basic expediency
All condemn as flagrant insanity
An affront to common decency.
We want our servicemen and women
Back from where they should never
have been sent
Where the treacherous device lies
hidden
Before one more precious life is spent.
Tony Kelly, Crook