RACHEL and Tony had dreamed of being mum and dad to a blondehaired, blue-eyed little girl, so when they first met Sophie, it was as if their prayers had been answered.

Of course, the couple from Teesside would have loved the child the authorities believed was the perfect match for them regardless, but on first meeting Sophie, the connection was instantaneous.

“She’d been told her new mummy and daddy were coming to meet her and when we arrived at her foster home, she was looking out the window wearing a special party dress,” explains Tony. “As soon as we saw her, there were tears all round.

She sat on the sofa between Rachel and me with her little doll. It was an amazing feeling.”

That was more than five years ago and they are now very much a family. But it has not been a trouble-free journey.

As any new mum or dad will admit, parenting is an immensely rewarding yet constantly challenging experience.

Add in the special circumstances of adopting and it pays to have help at hand from the experts.

As National Adoption Week gets under way, authorities nationwide are seeking permanent homes for 6,800 children who have been identified as ready for adoption.

Rachel and Tony, who have been together for 17 years, decided to consider adoption after unsuccessfully trying IVF. And rather than go to a local authority, they approached a charity, DFW Adoption in Durham.

In existence for more than 100 years, DFW does not have a list of children waiting for homes, but as a voluntary adoption agency, it does find families for youngsters who are in the care of a local authority.

DFW recruits prospective adopters and takes them through the education, preparation and application process. A panel approves successful parents then, working with local authorities across the country, DFW helps match them with waiting children.

Tony and Rachel chose the agency because it meant there was a strong possibility that the child with whom they eventually were matched would not be from the local area.

After being approved, they eventually got a call to say a possible match had been found through social services in Derbyshire. Sophie’s birth mother, who has learning difficulties, was unable to look after her and the little girl was not thriving. Her speech was poor and she still needed to be potty-trained. She was scared of water, and Tony and Rachel were told she couldhave learning difficulties.

For new mum Rachel, who spent the most time with Sophie in her first year on Teesside, understanding what was “normal” toddler behaviour was a steep learning curve.

She explains: “When you haven’t had your child since birth, there are gaps in the natural understanding of them at first. I suppose they come with their own little baggage from their background. There’s no rule book for dealing with that; you just go in at the deep end.”

“Sophie had tantrums and was very stubborn so it was learning how to handle that behaviour. You’re told that in adopting there is going to be a negative reaction at some point,”

adds Tony. “Rejection of adoptive parents can come even at that young age and you’re warned that it can last a long time. Children need to feel safe and secure so will repeatedly test the boundaries.”

Rachel went a full year without any additional support. But once Sophie started school and Rachel was being asked to see her teacher about a different issue every week, staff at DFW suggested their parenting course for adopters might help. The course taught Rachel how to speak in Sophie’s language and to bring some control through understanding things at her level.

“It was amazing. It confirmed there are other parents out there who are in a similar situation and who need extra support. I learnt new strategies for dealing with different situations,”

she says.

“Sophie has been a handful at time, continually being unkind towards other children in the past,” adds Tony.

“She didn’t like sharing and struggled to integrate. But we’ve worked hard with her and seen a massive improvement.

She has great friends at school now and with extra schooling, her reports are getting better and better.”

Rachel says it is a comfort to know she can still call on DFW at any time.

“Our social worker keeps in touch and nothing is ever too much trouble.

Everyone at DFW is always upbeat and positive and we’ve made some great friends along the way.”

Director of DFW Margaret Bell says: “Finding adopters is not just about making sure that people have the right skills and attributes, it’s also about working with parents to help them develop those extra skills.

“There are a lot of challenges specific to adopted children about their feelings of identity, their past, any harm they may have suffered and so on. Our parenting courses bring adopters together so they can share experiences. Ultimately, it’s all about making parents feel confident, to bring them and their child closer together and to build stronger families.”