IN response to Stephen Dixon’s latest epistle comparing those terrible old Tories with the children’s TV programme The Clangers, I offer this riposte in the vain hope that for once some balance might be introduced to the political debate (HAS, Sept 30). I venture to use a similar jocular approach.

Picture the Labour Party conference. Yes, I know it’s difficult because nothing actually happened. Just like the moon – devoid of any atmosphere.

Good old salt of the earth working class Ed Miliband paces around the conference stage (well, actually he is very well off, and doesn’t know the price of a bottle of milk but let’s not split hairs). He waffles on (as is his wont) about nothing in particular. In a speech described as dull by some, clueless by others, pointless by the remainder, he manages to speak for an hour without notes and sadly without content.

“Mention the economy” mouths the hapless prompter, but Ed forgets to mention the economy or immigration. Now that really takes some doing – that is a clanger Still, he has promised to remember the economy next time so that’s OK. Remember the economy, Ed – the thing that governments are elected to deal with first and foremost. The thing your lot messed up last time (and not for the first time).

John Crick, Bishop Auckland